All Roads Lead to Somewhere...but where?

Yes.

I know...

It's been a while.

I have a story to tell you.

It's about the road that has led me to this place that I'm at right now. While the road has been rocky and the journey a little ugly at times- it has led to the most wonderful of places.

I started on this road when I was about 7 I think (while the exact age seems to have left me- I remember clearly the place and the company). I was sitting in the hall of my house where I grew up waiting to use the restroom when my father came down the hallway. I asked him to sit down and visit with me for a minute- I had some questions. Questions about Jesus and God. Questions about my salvation and where I would go when I died. There in the hallway, with my earthly father's support, waiting to use the bathroom, I chose to believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior.

Fast forward a few years to a teenager who believed in Christ but really didn't take it much further than that. Who was super quick to throw others under the bus with judgement for their "sin", but felt like since she wasn't going to the parties and doing "those" things then she must be doing right by God. Right?.

Fast Forward a few more years to college. I continued to say I loved God and believed in his Son as my Savior, but unfortunately continued to live a life that was contrary to what I professed. I made many poor decisions and followed the road of the world in a way that I'm sure made satan sing with joy. I dated and then later became engaged to a guy that was a relationship unhealthy for both parties I'm sure. Emotional damage seemed to be the base for which that relationship was built on. I prayed and prayed that God would heal our tattered and torn relationship. I was marrying this man for crying out loud! How could we ever have a successful marriage if we couldn't even date properly? I shed tears over the brokenness of it all- all the while crying out to God to fix what we seemed to tear down and break so frequently. With invitations sent out, two wedding showers under our belt, dress, flowers, and cake all purchased, and less than a month before the wedding we threw in the towel and walked away from each other.

What had gone wrong? Had I not prayed hard enough? It felt like complete failure had consumed me. Embarrassment. Shame. Hopelessness. What had started as a smooth road, had turned into pebbles, then rocks, then boulders, and had come to its end as this huge mountain that I could see no way over. Along with the ending of what I thought was supposed to be the beginning of this new life came other changes. I immediately moved home to my parents after living on my own for 3 years, changed schools (or so I thought at the time), and basically just tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

The next few months to follow would not be what I would describe as pretty. Without going into too much detail lets just say that rock bottom seemed to be my new address. However I had mastered the art of putting on a happy face and making it seem like all was well in the world. I was not happy with the person I had become, and I know that God was saddened by where my life had gone.

It was one of those things that in the midst of the sin and shamefulness I could hear and feel the Holy Spirit convicting me. Telling me to turn away from the ways that seemed to be consuming me, but I just kept turning from him and digging myself deeper and deeper in. I just kept turning to the world to try to put out the pain, but it only seemed to produce more pain and more trouble.

It was during this time of lowness that the future hubster came into the picture (again. Seeing as how he and I had grown up together and then dated in high school for a couple of years off and on, only to part ways when I went off to college). I'm not going to lie and say that it was all roses right from the start, because frankly drama usually follows when your heart is saying one thing and your brain is saying another. However, after a few talks, a few situations, and a few shed tears it became apparent that Nolan was God's answer to the prayer I had prayed a year earlier. The prayer where I had prayed for him to heal the brokenness of another relationship with another guy. The prayer where I thought he had abandoned me and left me hopeless. The prayer I thought he had chosen not to hear- not to listen to. It wasn't that he didn't care or had chosen to ignore me- instead like a faithful and loving parent he had just chosen to say "No."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." -Jeremiah 29:11-14

You see, only He knew my future. My small faith had left me feeling abandoned and alone in my time of need. I felt that God had failed me, but he had really delivered me choosing to reveal himself true and faithful on his time, not mine. Most of all he chose to show himself loving despite the lack of love I had shown him.

Nolan and our marriage was a "good and perfect gift" that could have only "come from above," but like I'll show you tomorrow when I finish this story- sinful nature is not pretty, and can unfortunately, cause hurt and pain within the most wonderful of God's gifts.

For now I'll leave you with this. My hope is that through my story you can find hope. Just know that God is faithful, and merciful, and always- ALWAYS- shows himself true. Unfortunately we have to hit rock bottom sometimes to recognize our need for him, but find joy in those moments- for it is then that God's Glory and Awesomeness can truly be realized and we can find him.

Accountability...

For now while I have pretty much NO readers I am going to send this post out into blog space and tell that space that it is now my accountability partner (until further notice- which would be when I make some wonderful blogging friends and they decide to take space's space as such).

I am going to:

1)  Start Waking up at 5:00 a.m. (yes- that's in the morning when it's still dark) on weekdays

2)  Exercise in the morning on weekdays

3)  Do my bible study 7 days a week in the mornings right when I wake

4)  Wake up 7:00 to 8:00 a.m. on weekends

5)  Plan my days in an organized fashion in the mornings so I know what all is to be done and completed in that fabulous day

6)  Get breakfast and school lunches started before I wake the kiddos

7)  And finally:  Do all of these things before the munchkins rise and shine or rise anyway.

8)  Oh and one more:  Make the beds before I take Little Man to school while kiddos are eating breakfast.

And do it all with a sMile.   (Or at least with open eyes -baby steps my friends or space or whoever).

"She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens."

-Proverbs 31:15

(I added this just because it cracks me up.  HA!)

ProVErBs 31- The WoMEn wHo FeaRs the LoRD...

  10 An excellent wife who can find?
  She is far more precious than jewels.
 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
  and he will have no lack of gain.
 12 She does him good, and not harm,
  all the days of her life.
 13 She seeks wool and flax,
  and works with willing hands.
 14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
  she brings her food from afar.
 15 She rises while it is yet night
  and provides food for her household
  and portions for her maidens.
 16 She considers a field and buys it;
  with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
 17 She dresses herself with strength
  and makes her arms strong.
 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
  Her lamp does not go out at night.
 19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
  and her hands hold the spindle.
 20 She opens her hand to the poor
  and reaches out her hands to the needy.
 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
  for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
 22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
  her clothing is fine linen and purple.
 23 Her husband is known in the gates
  when he sits among the elders of the land.
 24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
  she delivers sashes to the merchant.
 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
  and she laughs at the time to come.
 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
  and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
 27 She looks well to the ways of her household
  and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
  her husband also, and he praises her:
 29 “Many women have done excellently,
  but you surpass them all.”
 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
  but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
  and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV)

I hate to keep talking about sad things on my posts, but I also feel that as a mother and a women I can't not share these when so much prayer is needed! I know if it was me in these family's situations I would want to know that my baby was covered in as much prayer as possible.

Much like Kelly's baby Harper, Brayden was born full term, but was born with fluid in his lungs. He and his family are in need of our prayer. So please join me in praying for God to heal these two sweet babies and that his greatness will be shown throughout both situations.

You can click on the above button to find out updates on Braydon. Thanks!!!

In Need of Prayer

I have been following this blog named Kelly's Korner (click on the link to find out more) for the last month or so. They are a beautiful family that loves our heavenly father, and truly, their faith is just amazing (and she might be the bubbliest person ever).

Kelly just had a baby a couple of days ago (that if I'm not mistaken they tried for a very long time to conceive), and the baby is in critical condition in Tulsa. Please lift this family up in your prayers. I know that our Lord has a plan for this sweet baby girl!

Big Mouth...

Today in Sunday School Ricky talked from James 3:1-12. The passage talks about the power of our tongue, and how sometimes we need to tame it.

"...the tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boast. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."

This is so true. I can think of so many times that I have said something and it has exploded into something so huge. I've hurt people and made people not trust me, and I never even touched them. All the damage was done by simply opening my mouth and saying something hurtful with my tongue.

it also said"...the tongue is set on fire by hell." It is amazing to me how the devil can use such a small, seemingly unharmful thing against us, but he does.

One of the things that Ricky said was, "The majority of things on your tongue show the things that are on your heart."

...Here lately it seems that my heart has been full of anger and frustration because I know that these are the things that my tongue has been saying. I'm ready to let go of these things though and to give them to the Lord. My prayer is that my tongue will reflect a heart that is full of the joy and happiness that my Heavenly Father fills it with daily.