Thursday, May 21, 2009

Banned From Wal-Mart...

I don't know if this is real (I should hope not!), but it is funny. A friend emailed it to me and I thought of my dear friend Shawn at Seriously when I read it! So I thought I would share. Some of you can maybe relate!...


This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and

preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most

women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local


Dear Mrs. -,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in

our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both

of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. - are listed below

and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute


3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from

the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and

screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked

the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming

the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna=2 0look'

by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through

yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed

a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,

then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'





J.J. said...

That is so rippin funny!!!!! I love it....ans you new blog design too!!! Hope that running is coming along well! I see your running log on the sidebar!!!!

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Oh...that's a good one. Don't you just wish you could do some of those?

Pam said...

This is so funny! I've read a bunch of times but i still crack up! i would like to do some of those just to see what would happen.

Heidi @ Tayterjaq's Rebels said...

That is huh-larious! I have never seen that one before. I can't wait to show my husband. He hates Wal-Mart and would love to do some of those things...on second thought, maybe I shouldn't show it to him.

Shawn said...

That is too funny! My husband would do all of those things, honestly he's done a few! You juts never know what will happen while at Wal-Mart!

Rhonda said...

Hey...I posted this a while back! I have a great pic to go with it! Have a great weekend!

Amy said...

This had me rolling. I may use this sometime.

Renee said...

LOL! Thanks for sharing!

Miller Racing Family said...

This is to funny! Thanks for sharing!

Kelley said...

that is too funny!